I Once Was Lost

I have felt Lucifer’s hoofs
Tap dance on my broken halo
Rejoicing in my down falls and set backs
Like that time in space
When wickedness ruled my thoughts

I haven’t always been collected and calm
See there once was a time when anger
Seduced my soul letting me believe
Lies that lay beneath closed eyes
I couldn’t see the truth, right in front of me

Lost in should haves and could haves
Not seeing things for what they where
Doped out on deceptions that left love hiding
Like children playing hiding & go seek
But no one was looking

Trapped in a ghettoized mentality
Smoking herbs that grew in pots
On top of rooftop greenhouses
Manipulating myself to believe
That money… was more important… than family

Standing on street corners
Living the hustler’s life
Selling poison to children and pregnant women
Not caring enough to see
That I am killing my community

Anger fueled my soul like oxygen fuels fire
Exploding like a timeless bomb
I was constantly ticking…
Ticking away each moment by moment
Watching the clock wind down until combustion

I exploded… at the wrong time
Heard hells fire was calling
I could smell the sulfur of suffering surround me
Feeling hells demons pushing me
To a life of destruction

Caught up in gang violence
Made way for isolation
Confined behind walls made of steal
Hearing the door close… right behind me
Made way for a change of life

Finding myself on bent knees
Praying for forgiveness
Gave light to what I have become
Soaking up knowledge that was given
By angels in disguise made way for rebirth

Feeling air in my lungs in a new light
For the very first time… was difficult
Being challenged by impure thoughts
Knowing if I submit to their lies
Nothing good will come

I inhale new breath for change
Trying to find my center
While confusion offers no answers
Stepping back to see my past mistakes
I wonder… how I could’ve… been so blind

Praying for mercy I ask for guidance
Allowing God to show me his beauty
Opening my heart so God can show me
The truth I should have known as misguided youth
It’s funny how I already knew the truth

Now with eyes wide open
I recognize my potential
Becoming more calm
While storms weather my seasons
I begin to collect my inner-strengths

Seeing more clearly
My third eye… was developing
Reading between lines
Of what I use to be and who I could be
Gives room for transformation

My thoughts become visible
To my naked eye
My actions speak in volumes
Now thirsting for knowledge
No more trying to get acceptance

My trials and tribulations
Made way for confidence
Letting me know… its okay
To make simple mistakes
Because sometimes…they just happen

I thank God for his angels that he sends to us
When we need them most
I stand here… as a testimony for I… once was lost
And I don’t feel Lucifer’s hoofs tap dancing
On my halo… any more

I have overcome this obstacle of self hate
Truth lies with in my heart
Allowing God to show me his revelation
I am who I should have been years ago
A father, a brother, but most importantly
I have become a MAN….